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Top 10 Reasons Auburn Fans Want To Win A National Championship
10. So they can be within 10 of catching Alabama.
9. So people under the age of 50 can remember one too.
8. So they do not have to keep bringing up those Heisman trophies.
7. When the special Sports Illustrated issues come out, it will give them a reason to learn how to read.
6. So they can replace the tobacco stained "Punt Bama, Punt" bumper stickers.
5. So Phil Snow can stop putting his head through sheetrock.
4. So Terry Bowden can earn enough respect to order from the adult menu at Shoney's.
3. It would make the next batch of probation easier to live with.
2. The history books in Auburn Elementary Schools can add more years after 1957.
1. Two Words: Tractor Parade!

 

Jokes and Funny Stuff


YOU MIGHT BE AN AUBIE IF.......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THIS IS AWBUN FOOTBALL!!!!!!!


TOP 10 REASONS IT'S EASY TO LAUGH AT AUBURN
Author: AlabamaRTR@aol.com

10. Auburn went 1-7 in the SEC in 1998, fired their head coach half-way through the season, promise the job to their defensive coordinator, then hire the head coach of the only SEC team that they managed to beat, to be their new head coach, prompting their defensive coordinator to retire and later sue them for not making him coach, which he claims they promised him.

9. Auburn loves to tell everyone that they have solid fan support. In 1993, Auburn went 11-0, their best finish EVER, yet they sold out only TWO of their seven home games. The sellouts were for Bama, and Florida games. This decade, including this year, Auburn has never sold-out more than 3 home games in a season. This season Auburn has sold out just 1 home game, Ole Miss, because Ole Miss brought approximately 14,000 fans to watch the Rebels defeat their old coach.

8. For 4 of the last 5 years, at least one Auburn player or signee has been charged with at least one crime, ranging from simple assault to murder. The latest criminal, Clifton Robinson, was charged with raping a 15 year old girl earlier this year. This is not Clifton's first brush with the law. After signing with Auburn in 1997, Clifton was arrested that summer for stealing and forging checks.

7. "We'll end up having the No. 1 recruiting class in America", was the claim of Willie Northern, a 1998 signee of Auburn. The experts didn't agree ranking the Auburn class as 51st in the nation. 7 of the 28 players of that class failed to qualify, and Willie Northern himself was cut from the team this year.

6. After Tommy Tuberville tells all the prospects he contacted during the recruiting process this past season that Auburn would play FSU this fall, Auburn announces (after signing day) that they will BUY-OUT the game rather than play FSU. Auburn substitutes Appalachain St on their schedule. Coach Tuberville claimed he had no idea that Auburn would buy out the FSU game. Several weeks later, Tuberville admits that he did in fact know all along that Auburn intended on buying out the FSU game.

5. Auburn has the same number of SEC titles as Georgia Tech, who hasn't been a member of the SEC in 40 years.

4. How little tradition does Auburn have? In one year, 1992, Alabama was able to do 2 things that Auburn has not been able to do in 107 years. Win a National Championship while not under probation and win 13 games in a season. In fact, counting Auburn's wins from last year, and this year, under a best-case scenerio, Auburn won't win 13 games until September of next year. No word as of yet, whether Auburn intends on buying out Alabama.

3. When WR Robert Baker was arrested for selling and distributing cocaine in 1998, then coach Bowden immediately claimed Baker was a 'victim', and personally set up several visits with NFL scouts. Unfortunately, Baker was sentenced to 15 years in jail. 10 months later, Baker was released after serving less than a year of a 15-year sentence.

2. Alot of schools have had brushes with the NCAA. However, Auburn is truly in a class by themselves, when it comes to breaking the rules. Auburn is currently tied with being the most penalized team in history, and even their tennis and golf teams were put on probation...AT THE SAME TIME!!! Auburn cheated at TENNIS AND GOLF!!! Over the last 4 decades every Auburn football coach (except Tuberville), or AD, or BOTH, has had to appear before the NCAA Committee on Infractions for SERIOUS VIOLATIONS.

1. What do Camp Griffin, CENTRE HIGH SCHOOL, Davidson, George Washington, Georgia Navy P-F, Manhattan, Maxwell Field, Memphis, Santa Clara, Sewanee, SMU and Vanderbilt have in common? Auburn has an ALL-TIME losing record against each of these teams. I'm not sure which is worse, Centre High School or Vanderbilt? I guess that was before you could buy teams out of games.

TOP 10 AWBUN MOVIES OF ALL TIME

10. Big Momma's House --- Martin Lawrence stars as Chris Porter in this wacky tale of finding $50,000 to pay the rent on Momma's three-room house in Abbeville. As more and more agents show up, Cliff starts lyin', Mama starts cryin', Housel starts denyin' and the NCAA starts tryin' to figure out who really knew that Chris was gettin' the cash...

9. The Grapes of Wrath -- Quintessential Auburn story of poor farmers who get their ass kicked wherever they go. Henry Fonda stars as Shug Jordan Joad, Bear Bryant is the sherriff and the University of Alabama Alumni Association stars as all those rich, educated people conspiring to keep the poor ol' Aubs..I mean, Okies...down.

8. Dumb and Dumber --- Jim Carrey and Jeff Bridges star as two Auburn men who go to Colorado. Note the symbolic orange and blue tuxedos worn by our heroes in the wacky "party" scene. More comments on this movie later, since it is currently the topic of several doctoral dissertations in the AU English Department.

7. Gone In 60 Seconds --- Butch Davis takes the New York Jets job, Coach Tommy Tuberville gets a phone call from the University of Miami and he's ... Gone In 60 Seconds. Exciting action-adventure as TT tries to get across the Alabama state line before Bobby Lowder repossesses his vehicle.

6. The Wizard of Oz --- Long before Eddie Murphy played all those roles in "The Klumps," Auburn ex-coach Terry Bowden was playing the entire population of Munchkinland -- including the Mayor and the President of the Lollipop Guild -- in this family favorite. Also includes the song "If I Only Had a Brain," which finished second to "Old McDonald" in voting for the AU alma mater. And pay no attention to Mr. Lowder behind the curtain...

5. I Am Curious (Yellow) -- Exotic Swedish film about the 1999 Auburn-Florida State game. What happened to it? Where did it go? How long before AU claims it won the game? Features Jimmy Rane ("if it ain't yellow, it ain't Auburn") in a supporting role.

4. Natural Born Killers -- DeAndre Green and Mrs. Lorenzo Diamond play Mickey and Mallory as they go on a spree of gun-slinging violence that stretches from Chewacla State Park all the way to the Georgia line. Pat Dye has a memorable role as the stern disciplinarian who wants to bring the pair to justice by suspending them for the first play of the Wyoming game.

3. Star Wars -- Memorable characters abound Luke Tubwalker, trying to resist the dark side of evil Emperor Lowder. Terry Bowden as Yoda. David Housel as Jabba The Hutt. Shaun Alexander and Chris Samuels as Imperial Storm Troopers who kick butt right on Tubwalker's home planet of Jordan-Haria. (Freddie Milons and Kindall Moorehead play those roles in the sequel, due in November 2000) You've seen it before, but rent it again...

2. Deliverance -- A tender tale of manly love, Lee County-style. A special favorite on the Bunker for true-to-life lines like "Make him squeal like a pig." Cast features numerous banjo-playing Bunker members.

... and the No. 1 favorite in the Bunker poll.

1. Dumbo -- Coach Tommy Tuberville has his greatest role as the little elephant who learns to fly. Not only does he work under his given name, TT also does all his own ear work in the movie. Yes, the elephants emerge triumphant in the end ... but isn't that the way life is?


TOP 10 AWBUN FAN PARTY GAMES

10. Pin the awbie on the Donkey ...
9. Hide and Go Pee-Pee ...
8. Simon Says Something Intelligent ...
7. Spin the Bottle of White Lightin' ...
6. Who's Picture is in the Post Office? ...
5. What's my Lying? ...
4. 20 Questions Shouted in Your Good Ear ...
3. Constipation ...
2. Name That Jail Sentence ...
1. Musical Milk Stools !!!

 

 

 

 

AUBURN JOKES

Q: How do you break an Awbun guy's finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.

Q: What kind of jokes do they tell in Poland?
A: Awbun Jokes!

Q: Hear about the Awbun guy who lost $50 on the football game?
A: He lost $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay!

Q: Why did the Aubie marry the cow?
A: He had to.

Q: How can you tell when there's been an Aubie in your backyard?
A: The garbage is gone and your dog's pregnant.

Q: Did you hear about the Auburn athlete that won a Gold Medal at the Olympic game?
A: He was so proud of it that he had it bronzed!

Q: Why don't they teach sex ed and driver ed at Awburn in the same day?
A: They don't want the mule to get too tired!

Q: Why don't you see many Awburn Pharmacist?
A: They can't figure out how to put the medecine bottles in the printer!

Q. What is the definition of safe sex down at Auburn?
A. Placing a sign on the animals that kick...

Q. Why was the Auburn football team late for last year's game?
A. Because everytime they passed a sign for 'Clean Restrooms,' they did.

Q. How many Auburn students does it take to make popcorn?
A. Eleven. One to hold the pan and ten to shake the stove.

Q: How do you castrate an Awbun football player?
A: You hit his sister in the jaw!

Q. An Alabama fly and a Tennessee fly were in the kitchen. How do you know which fly is which?
A. The Alabama fly will be in the sugar bowl!

Q: Did you hear about the Auburn student that married the cow?
A: He had to.

Q: How do you complement an Awbun fan?
A: Nice tooth.

Q: What do you call a line of John Deere tractors going down the road?
A: The Awbun Homecoming Parade.

Q: Did you hear about the Awbarn student that got killed getting a drink of water?
A: The commode lid fell on his/her head.

Q: Did you hear about the skeleton they just found in an old building at Awbun?
A: It was the 1938 hide and seek champion.

Q: Did you hear that they outlawed "the wave" at Jordan-Hare Stadium?
A: Two poor Awbun fans drowned at a game last year.

Q: Why don't Awbun grads use 911 in an emergency?
A: Because they can't find "eleven" on the phone dial.

Q: How can you tell an Awbun grad is on location at a drilling rig?
A: He's the one throwing bread to the helicopters.

Q: How many Awbun students does it take to eat an armadillo?
A: Three. One to do the eating, and two to watch for cars.

Q: Why don't Awbun fans eat barbecue beans?
A: Because they keep falling through the holes in the grill.

Q: What do you call an Awbun fan with no brothers or sisters?
A: A virgin

Q: What do you get if you cross a Tennessee football player with a Auburn cheerleader?
A: Nothing! There is somethings even a Tennessee football player won't do!

Q: How can you tell your getting close to Auburn?
A: If you stop to take a piss the Cows will back up to the fence!

Q: How can you tell when a aweburn cheerleader is having her time of the month?
A: One of her socks is missing!

Q: Why did they cancel the Christmas play on the Awbun campus last year?
A: They couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.

Q: What's the difference between Terry Bowden and a brand new puppy?
A: Eventually the puppy will quit whining.

Q: What does sperm and an Awbun Nat'l Champhionship drive have in common?
A: They both have about a 1 in 1,000,000 chance of succeeding!

Q: What does the Tennessee Football Program and a sand castle have in common??
A: They both look real good, then the TIDE ROLLS IN!!!

Q: How do you get a Tennessee Football Fan to stop beating his wife???
A: Dress her in Crimson!!!

Q. What is the difference between a nun after Mass and an Awbun cheerleader getting out of the shower?
A. The nun has a "soul filled with hope".

Q: What do you call 32 Tennesse women in one room?
A: A full set of teeth!

Q: What does a tornado and a Awbun cheerleader have in common?
A: Both eventually end up in trailer parks.

Q: What is the difference between a Awbun cheerleader and a toilet bowl?
A: The toilet bowl doesn't follow you around for a week after you use it.

Q: How many Aubies does it take to roof a house?
A: Depends on how you slice 'em.

Q: What is the difference between Jordan-Hare Stadium and a porcupine?
A: A porcupine has 85,000 pricks on the outside!

Q: What is the difference between an Awbun cheerleader and a catfish?
A: One has whiskers and smells; the other is a fish.

Q: What do you get when you cross an Awbun cheerleader with a pig?
A: Nothing. There are some things even a pig won't do.

Q: Do you know what hangs 18 inches between his legs and is 6 inches off the ground?
A: Terry Bowden's tie.

Q: Know why the girls don't play 'Hide 'n Seek' in Awboville?
A: Nobody'd look for 'em.

Q: What do you call a dead pig sittin' on a tractor that won't start?
A: The Awbun Homecoming parade.

Q: Hear about the Awbie who took his girl to the zoo?
A: They wouldn't keep her.

Q: What has 98 legs & 49 teeth?
A: An Awbun Sor/Frat party.

Q. How can we tell that the toothbrush was invented in Awbun?
A. Had it been invented elsewhere, it would have been called a "teethbrush."

Q: What is the definition of a Awbun virgin?
A1: An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers.
A2: No such thing.

Q: What's the difference between trash and Awbun trash?
A: Absolutely nothing. They both drive around in dump trucks, smell like crap, and get more and more rotten each day.

Q: What's the difference between an awb girl and a bedspread?
A: The bedspread doesn't get turned down as often.

Q: What's made of metal, plastic, rubber, and glass and comes in 5000 parts?
A: A used car in auboville.

Q: How do you keep an awb girl from biting her nails?
A: Make her wear shoes.

Q: What does an Awbun girl say after sex?
A: Get off me Daddy, yer crushin' ma cigarettes.

Q: Why do Awbun women like to be on top?
A: So they don't swallow their tobacco.

Q: Why do migrating birds fly upside down over Awboville?
A: They figure there's nothing down there worth crapping on!

Q: What's the most popular show in Awboville?
A: 90 Minutes. They have to slow it down to half speed so they can understand it.

Q: How do you know you're in an Awbun bar?
A: If you call the number on the rest room wall you get the Farm Report.

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of an Awbun fan?
A: A Tattoo!

Q: Do you know the directions to Auburn?
A: South to you smell it. East till you step in it.

Q: Why doesn't Terry Bowden wear cowboy boots?
A: They chap his rear end.

Q. What's the difference between God and Terry Bowden?
A. God never pretended to be Terry Bowden.

Q. How is the Auburn football team like a possum?
A. They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What does Awbun and 7-up have in common?
A: Never had it, never will.

Q: What's the difference between an Awbie and a lawnmower?
A: Nothing. They're both hard to start, emit foul oders, and don't work half the time.

Q: What's the most useless thing in an Awbie's house?
A: The Awbie

Q: What does an Awbun grad say to a Bama grad?
A: You want fries with that?

Q. Why does Awbun have to play Alabama every year?
A. Because the run out of people to play because the stink.

Q: Why do teams that play Awburn try to avoid real turf?
A: Half time takes too long with the Awburn cheerleaders grazing on the field.

Q: Whats orange and blue, 100 yards long and has 1 tooth?
A: The front row at Jordan-Hare stadium.

Q: Why is Auburn located so close to the West Point-Pepperell mill?
A: Inexhaustible supply of crying towels.

Q: Define "Separated at Birth".
A: Terry Bowden and that turtle in the Bugs Bunny Cartoon!

Q: How do you get the Awbun grad off your front porch.
A: Pay him for the pizza and tip him well.

Q: Why does Terry Bowden look so much like a gopher?
A: Joe Paterno had a lock on weasel!

Q: What's the smallest book in the world?
A: The Awbun book of football heros.

Q: What is the differce between a Awbun Cheerleader and a heifer?
A: 20 pounds.

Q: How do you make them the same?
A: Forcefeed the heifer.

Q: How many Awbies does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: None. They just stand around and threaten it.

A2: None. That's a sophomore course. Q: What do you call 12 angry men in an Awboville courtroom?
A: The harvesting crew.

Q: Why don't Awbies water ski?
A: They can find any pools that slope.

Q: What do you call a dead Awbie in a closet?
A: 1985 Hide-n-Seek champion!

Q: How do you starve an Awbie?
A: Hide the food stamps under the soap.

Q: How is being at an Awbun bar different than being at a circus?
A: At the circus the clowns don't talk.

Q: Did you hear about Bo Jackson getting a new car?
A: It has 2 left turn signals!

Q: Did you hear about the two auburn football players that died at the drive-in last week?
A: They were waiting for the movie "Closed for the Winter" to start!

Q: What do you get when you cross an Awbun cheerleader with a convertable?
A: An ugly girl who's top comes off easily.

Q: What do you have with 159 parents, 21 kids, and a couple of dozen farm animals in 1 room?
A: A normal PTA meeting in Awboville?

Q: What's blue and orange, lies on the other side of the road, and stinks?
A: A dead Awbu fan.

Q: How can you tell a 1st Grade Primer is from Awboville?
A: Jane's a dog, too.

Q: Why did the Wwb spend 3 hrs in the car wash?
A: He thought it was raining too hard, so he didn't go anywhere.

Q: What does an Awb fisherman do when his boat springs a leak?
A: Drills a hole in the other end to let the water out.

Q: What do you get when you cross a white rat with an Awbun coed?
A: There are some things even a rat won't do!

Q: Why do Awbun alumni hang their diplomas on the rear view mirror.
A: So they can use handicapped parking.

Q: What's the difference between an Awb and a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still happy to see you.

Q: What is the differance between an Awbun grad and a bucket of crap?
A: The bucket.

Q: If an Alabama grad and an Awbun grad were standing on top of a tall tower, how could you tell them apart?
A: The Alabama grad would never throw crumbs to the helicopters.

Q: Do you know why they don't let students drive at Awbun?
A: They keep getting their legs caught in the steering wheel while trying to use the dimmer switch.

Q: Heard Terry Bowden was only dressing 15 players for the football game.
A: Yeah...supposedly, the rest can dress themselves!

Q: How can you tell when an Awbie is a married man?
A: There will be chawing tobacco juice running down both doors of his pickup!

Q: Why do Awbies sing when they use the restroom?
A: So they know which end to wipe when there finished.

Q: What does an Awbun grad call an Alabama grad?
A: "Boss"

Q: What do you call a handcuffed Awbunite?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: Why are Awbunite like commercials?
A: You can't believe a word they say.

Q: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed Awbie?
A: The department store worker did a nice job picking out his clothes.

Q: What is the difference between an Awbie and childbirth?
A: One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby.

Q: Did you hear the one about the Awbie that pulled a 5 pounder outa his nose?
A: His head imploded before he could eat it.

Q: What is the difference between a 40-year-old Bama grad and a 40-year-old Awbun grad?
A: The 40-yr-old Bama grad thinks often of having children and the 40-yr-old Awbun grad thinks often about dating them, especially when they are family related.

Q: What is the difference between an Awbun divorce and tornado?
A: I don't know either but someone's gonna loose a trailer.

Q: Why do the Tennessee Vol fans wear orange and white?
A: They can wear it to the game on Saturday...They can wear it when they go hunting on Sunday...and they can wear it to work on Monday when they're picking up garbage at the roadside!

Q: Why are the Awbun cheerleaders no longer invited to Alabama home games?
A: Too hard to stop them from grazing on the field after the halftime show is over.

Q: What do you call a beautiful girl on the Awbu campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: What did the Awbie say when he caught his wife making love to his best friend?
A: Down Fido!

Q: Why don't they serve ice water at Awbun football games anymore?
A: The guy with the recipe died.

Q: What's the difference between Awbun men and Awbun Coeds?
A: The men can spit further.

Q: 3 football players are riding in a car: 1 from Awbun, 1 from Tennessee, and 1 from Florida. Who's driving?
A: The State Trooper.

Q: How can you tell an Awbie coyote?
A: He's chewed off 3 legs, and he's still in the trap.

Q: Did you hear about the Awbun faith healer?
A: He made the blind lame.

Q: How many Awbun fans does it take to change a tire?
A: Four - one to change the tire and three to reminisce about the old one!

Q: Did you hear about the Awbie who started his own circus?
A: His star sideshow performer was the bearded man.

Q: How do you know when you're staying in an Awbun hotel?
A: When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink", the Awbie at the desk says, "Go ahead."

Q: What do Tennessee fans call I-59,I-24,I-75,I-40 from Birmingham to Knoxville?
A: The trail of Tears.

Q: How do you come to own a small business in Alabama?
A: Start a large business and put an Awbun grad in charge of it.

Q: Did you hear about the Awbun grad who joined the Navy?
A: He was on shore leave and spent $50 to spend the night in a warehouse.

Q: What's a grudge?
A: The place where a Awbun fan parks his car.

Q: How many Awbun fans does it take to replace a light bulb?
A: Three, one to change it a two to talk about how good the old one was.

Q: How long does an Awbie play football?
A: Until he gets caught doing things the Awbun way (probation).

Q: Do you know what they are putting on the bottom of coke bottles at Awbun?
A: Open other end.

Q: How about the new Awbun student driving to school and ran across a highway sign just out of town that said "Awbun left"?
A: He turned around and went back home...

Q: Did you hear about the Awb who was elected dogcatcher?
A: He knew he was supposed to catch dogs ... but he didn't know at what.

Q: What's the difference between a awbum fan and a drunk?
A: The drunk doesn't go to team meetings.

Q: Why don't secretaries at Awbun get coffee breaks?
A: Costs too much to retrain them.

Q: Why can't Awbun Alum make chocolate chip cookies?
A: Takes too long to peel the M&Ms.

Q: Whats the similarity between an inteligent Awbun fan and superman?
A: Neither of them exist!

Q: Do you know why the War Eagle died?
A: It starved to death - the Awbun players were supposed to feed it on the way to CLASS!

Q: What did the Awbun city council do to slow the birth rate down in Awbun?
A: They outlawed family reunions.

Q: What do you call 32 Awbun coeds lined up?
A: A full set of teeth!

Q: Did you hear that Awbun has found a new use for sheep?
A: Yeah ... wool!

Q: Do you know how to tell which girls at Awbun are level headed?
A: The snuff runs out of both corners of her mouth.

Q: Did you hear about the Awbie who crossed a turkey with a porcupine?
A: He wanted to save time pickin' his tooth at Thanksgivin'!

Q: What does Auburn's football team and a tampon have in common?
A: They both are only good for one period and have one string.

Q: What's dumb?
A: Directions on toilet paper.

Q: What's dumber than that?
A: An Awbie reading them.

Q: Even dumber?
A: An Awbie reading them and learning something.

Q: Dumbest of all?
A: An Awbie reading them and having to correct something they've been doing wrong!

Q: What does it mean when an Auburn baby drools out of both sides of its mouth?
A: It means the trailer is level.

Q: Why does an Auburn grad whistle while he's taking a crap?
A: So he knows which end to wipe when he's done.

Q: Did you hear that the President's Mansion at Auburn burned down last night?
A: Yep... and it almost destroyed the rest of the trailer park, too!

Q: How do you confuse an Awbun laborer?
A: Lay down three shovels and tell him to take his pick.

Q: How can you tell if an Awbun grad has sent you a fax?
A: There's a stamp on it!

Q: What is long and hard on an Aubie?
A. The first grade.

Q. What did the Awbie say when he caught his wife making love to his best friend?
A. Down Fido!

Q. Why doesn't the Awburn football team have its own webpage?
A. Because they can't put 3 W's together.

Q. What's the difference between a dead Aubie in the middle of the road and a dead Vandy Commodore in the middle of the road?
A. The Commodore may have been on the way to the SEC Championship Game.

Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Auburn players on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: What's the difference between a female Auburn fan and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.

Q: If you see an Auburn fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Q: What do you have when 100 Auburn fans are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: What is the difference between a Auburn fan and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

Q: What is the diff between an Auburn cheerleader and hippo.
A: 50 pounds and a sweaty Tee shirt

Q: Did you hear about the Florida linebacker that stole a police car?
A: He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

Q : Where was O.J. Simpson headed in the white Bronco?
A: Knoxville, TN. He knew the police would never look for a Heisman trophy winner there.

Q: Why do Awbun cheerleaders wear bibs?
A: To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.

Q: What does the average Awbun football player get on his SAT?
A: Drool

SOME FLORIDA JOKES...

Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake, and Steve Spurrier. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot Spurrier. Twice.
Q: What do you call a drug ring in Gainesville?
A: A huddle...

Q: Four Gator football players are in a car together...who's driving?
A: The police...

Q: Florida has adopted a new "Honors System"
A: Yes your Honor, No your Honor.

Q: Florida has hired a new defensive coordinator...
A: Johnny Cochran.

Q: How does Florida spend the first week of spring practice?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.

Q: The Florida football players were all in a remedial english class and the teacher asked "Does anyone know what comes after a sentence?"
A: All the players shouted in unison with Gator pride..."THE APPEAL!"

Q: What are the longest 3 years of a Florida football player's life?
A: His freshman year.

Awbun Computer Technology

Log on -- Making the wood stove hotter
Log off -- Don't add more wood.
Download -- Gettin the farwood ofn the truck.
Floppy disk -- Whut you get from carrying too much farwood.
Ram -- That thang whut splits the farwood.
Hard Drive -- Gettin' home in the wintertime.
Prompt -- What the mail ain't in the wintertime.
Windows -- What to shut when it's cold outside.
Chip -- vittles to eat when yu're sitting in front of the tv.
Microchip -- Whut's left in the munchie bag.
Modem -- Whacha done to the hayfield.
Dot Matrix -- Ol' Dan Matirx's wife.
Lap top -- Whar the kittycat sleeps.
Software -- Them dang plastic forks and spoons.
Mouse -- Whut you put out D-Con for. Also fun to pick off with a .22.
Main Frame -- Whut holds the barn roof up.
Random Access Memory -- When you cain't member what you paid fer yer new rifle when yer wife asks you.